I seek to live a life that is first real and honest with God and people, one that seeks God’s restoration, allowing His process to unfold. He has been so kind to bring me from many wounds or experiences that caused damage. In these places, I lived what I call a fiction life. I worked very hard at “creating peace” and trying to avoid any type of conflict that might arise. Much weariness and anxiety was the result of such effort.
With certain people or specific situations where problems had been the norm, this old record would be inserted much like a jukebox in the brain and responses that used to be automatic would try to play again. Once the needle hit the record, I had a problem. If I feared a situation, I would work to avoid it while I listened to the old record on the mental phonograph. If something could be made better, it must be to eliminate as many “peace reducers” or potential conflicts as possible. I thought I was creating safety and peace, but the actual effect was the opposite. Life was a daily exercise in avoidance with me stuck inside pages of fiction.
This fiction life was interrupted by a very sweet God who had made me for something better. The Father wants our lives to be whole and built on a platform of truth. The work we do to solve problems before they occur is based on our efforts to anticipate what is to come. A life that peeks around the corner to figure out what is on the next page of the story so it can be controlled has no need for faith.
Living freely in a non-fiction way doesn’t worry about what might happen next and doesn’t try to prevent what one thinks is written there. Living freely is leaving the story up to God, allowing life to be an adventure. Living a good story is not one without risk and conflict. A good story involves risk and attempts things you’re not sure about. It’s trusting Him to be “the author and finisher of my life”, knowing He always has my best in mind. And even when things do go wrong (in my estimation), I can know that He has promised to be with me through any type predicament.
With time, that old record will gather dust from not being used in a while, and eventually my mental jukebox won’t try to play it. Truth will have permeated my thoughts and renewed my mind. I will enjoy my non-fiction story and live life to the fullest without knowing what’s to come. My story will be one that requires the power and grace of God, not something I can do by myself. It’s more fun this way. Beauty, thankfulness, and joy do not exist in fiction, but in truth.
Live an unwritten life~
(c) Robin Lawrimore, 2011