Lately I feel the conviction inside of disturbed places. I’ve tried to stand up tall and be strong and move forward, and then finally come to see these places of disorder. And once submitted, once I lean forward into the One, I begin to feel the zig-zag lines being smoothed, like ironing hot on cotton shirts or a hand smoothing piles of sand on the beach.
But the soul-resistance, like someone trying to steer their car across your lane illegally, always has to be confronted with empowered truth. You don’t have to give in every time someone else is impatient. Sometimes it is extremely right in “having done all to stand”. Their impatience an emergency does not make, and it’s the same inside of me.
The soul-resistance is what the Bible calls the psuche’ life – composed of the mind, will, and emotions, and isn’t that where we fight the most battles? Isn’t that where we’ve incurred the most damage? Isn’t that where the life-muscles are still sore? These places are thirsty for control, but are actually in need of submission and Lordship. The fear, disappointment, or hopelessness strive to make sure they don’t stand in the forefront again, and yet their exercise makes it so. We are the toddler in the store who runs haphazardly without restraint, who demands his own way, but in reality needs the security of Godly limits.
The threat of suffering combined with the promise of love that Jesus knew well was enough for Him to “lay down His (psuche’) life for His friends. He denied what the soul wanted to provide a way for us. And every time I catch it with revelation and say “No” to what might feel great, but in reality is not good for me, I am agreeing with the One who knows what is best and who knows how to lead me on this narrow way, that can feel the width of a balance beam. Pursuing my way, I lose my footing and hit the mat hard.
When I feel tender in those convicted, rebellious places, and want to remain dry and bowed like unharvested wheat in a field, the One applies His hot sun to my bent soul and the warmth is comforting and the results stronger. The wheat must always be broken to feed. He has always brought me through and into a wider place, and He watches over the desires of my heart. He knows what limits are needed and when to bring healing, understanding, and freedom to my spirit so that it remains strong in Him. Do I feel strong yet? No, but I feel the heat of late summer in a year like no other and am thankful for a future harvest.
- Thankful for forgiveness and the King making it possible to enter
- Thankful for God’s patience & trustworthiness
- Thankful for big windows by my desk
- Thankful that my needs are met
- Thankful for daughters who call for prayer
- Thankful for a working 6-year-old laptop
- Thankful for a dog’s wagging tail when I come home
- Thankful for new friends on the west coast who speak truth into my life, especially when they know it’s hard to hear
- Thankful for your journey that walks alongside mine
(c) Robin Lawrimore, 2011