I’d like to read ahead in the story just once. I’d like to read tomorrow’s page today. But I cannot. I’d like to know answers to heart’s questions that many days lie heavy and I can feel the cords that have tied around too tight. But all I get are today’s headlines and they seem to be written by someone other than me. Many times I don’t like the forecast. Many times they take the air from my lungs as I am gasping to stand. And what I think I read beginning in early morning sometimes can be changed because God is bigger than the enemy that would seek to decide my day.
Oh I can remain there as long as I like, but it only makes me sink deeper in mire that waits for the top of my head so that it can prove me wrong.
And yet, if I can glance back to the pages of previous days and remember and proclaim how God has seen me through, kept me, provided, many times miraculously so – I can name those gifts, those times of receiving Heaven’s CPR – air so needed, miracles that amazed, and give thanks and glory again to that Giver, then I am able to stand in today differently. And the words change on the page.
I choose a different storyline every time I speak out my faith and that my strength and protection doesn’t have to be found in me, but in Him. For I will always fail, but when I do, if in that failing I fall to my knees, then I find the One who helps me up, who helps me stand, then I have not failed, but come to rely on Him all the more.
So today I remember these lines from past days and speak out thanks for…
107. Wanting a fresh glimpse of anything that reflects God.
116. Strong stands of Pines that give shade.
190. God’s patience with my realizing again that He alone truly satisfies and refreshes.
258. Sea Glass earrings loaned for dinner invitation.
283. A sister’s funny stories of a home being filled with joy.
299. Being held tight.
348. Boxes full of my life; contents tell a story of me.
371. Choosing hope that dispels discouragement.
429. Warm corn chips in a basket like slices of Mexican sun.
442. Bathing an old dog, faithful companion 13 years.
443. Realizing that the call on my life doesn’t depend on how much I can do, but on the God who loves me.
453. Allowing love to come in and how it always replaces fear and rights the heart.
459. Mom’s laughter loud.
469. Building of trust, healing of heart.
476. Loving touch that meets a need way deep.
483. Honey dripping into cup, an amber thread.
496. Walking forward to deal with problems as they arise, holding onto the Father’s hand for guidance.
502. Phone call of encouragement right when needed.
These are the pages of past days. These are things noticed in moments that were not always easy to find, but once that “giving thanks” begins, it changes things. Always works like God’s best formula for peace. My eyes return to Him, and when I see Him looking back at me… well, it is with that look of love, grace, and acceptance – like He is so glad He made me, and so happy that I am alive and looking to Him, that my heart is always stilled in peace and my lungs are always filled with fresh air. My pulse slows and the shoulders relax and I remember that He gave all so that I could feel this now.
Thank you, Father, for restoration, for helping me live out today choosing Your version of events and Your storyline for me instead of one that is lower and weaker. And thank you that I don’t have to be strong enough, because You already are. You are the “Author and finisher” of me.
(c) Robin Lawrimore, Sept. 2012
Linking today with A Holy Experience that counts God’s gifts.