When You’re Having Trouble Just Letting Yourself Be Loved

Ever found yourself working hard to make sure a relationship is just fine?  Working to make someone more like yourself, as that must be better?  What about making yourself look like what you think someone else wants you to be so that they are fine with you?

I think we’ve all been there.

Performance is the stuff that eats away at who we really are.  For different reasons, we believe a lie that says we are not enough, that God is holding out on us, or that we must compete to be compared, noticed, loved.  The self-image we embrace is one of great self-focus as our attempts to make sure we are loveable and loved only serve to reduce us to polish and a mirrored reflection.  As we hold up the image of self, trying to increase it our way, we lose the person God created who was meant to shine as a reflection of Him.

woman mirror

We need a fire to burn away what is not us, a river to wash us clean and cool our wounds, and lifted arms ready to wrap themselves around God’s simple love in a new way so that we embrace our identity as His son or daughter.

It just seems too simple, doesn’t it?  To just trust Him to heal, forgive, and love us just like we are?  Embracing our weakness and brokenness and coming as a child to receive His grace is the goal only reached by humbling ourselves and getting honest with Him and others.

He only asks that we come as we are.

But that requires such vulnerability!  What if we are not received?  That question always creates God in our image.  We are created in His and yet until we know Him better, we do our best to think He is as fickle as we are.

We always think we should be better before we come to Him.

He only asks that we come as we are.

He created us as legitimate sons and daughters of grace and we continue to try to earn it as if we were slaves.

Can we drop all the effort that only makes us tired and self-condemning?  Can we be still and honest enough before Him to drop the outward polished self we’ve built and allow Him to remove the props?  We will find that He is more than enough, that it’s His love we’ve waited and longed for, that the love of the world father daughter holding handsand its accolades were never meant to fulfill.

It won’t happen in a minute.  It’s a process of digging, like most worthy treasures.  But I’d rather have that “pearl of great price” than temporary things that don’t satisfy.  My best efforts were never meant to be enough.  But He is all I need, my Abba Father, as Jesus called Him.  Daddy God.  He is a Father to be trusted.  It can be scary if you’ve been through a lot – possibly abuse from a father or from others, but….

He only asks that we come as we are, as simply and honestly as we can manage, in all our brokenness, and let ourselves be loved.

(c) Robin Lawrimore, March 2013

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