11/7/13 — first time I’ve written today’s date. It’s 11:59 p.m. The last minute of today, each moment of today already lived out in preparation of my wedding, in remembering a woman who stepped into God’s arms a year ago, and standing in the prayer-arms of my almost-husband, and in the reading again of Rachel’s pen, “I’m Choosing to Believe the Last Bit.” Life – always a combination of chaos and feelings and choosing. Always choosing.
I am thankful, amazed, and in awe of God’s love for me — through this almost-husband, through daughters, sister, “new” sons, parents, and good, good friends. And the ceremony and celebration is yet to be — it’s now Friday, 12:05 a.m.
From where I sit, I see the pedestal cake plate where our wedding cake will rest, sweetly declaring that two lives have joined together, partnered in love and laughter. Forks will be needed. It sits upon a table runner, black and white, that was made for Rachel’s wedding some years ago. Rebecca and girls will all play a part, in love and support and stories. Andrew and Jackson to hold rings symbolic of never-ending love that only God can supply. Boaz and Ruth together, Jeff and Robin, asking God for all He’s promised and planned and more. Ready to journey together.
I’m choosing to believe the last bit, as my wrinkles deepen and my laughter is heartier. I’m choosing to believe in fuller life, fuller love, and to experience it here and now.
I. Am. Loved. By a great God and a real man who cherishes me as a woman needs to be cherished, heard, held. And to know it’s OK to need that is good and true. And my respect for him and the wisdom he carries grows daily, nourished by a mutual understanding of each other. As we draw close to hear each other. To be still.
I’m choosing to believe the last bit — as I put one foot in front of the other, as I step into a raspberry colored dress, as truth is remembered, like saved train ticket stubs from long ago places, as my soul is quieted, and realizing that there, indeed, have been quite amazing accomplishments! And to believe for the future that holds moments and days yet to be discovered…yes, I’m choosing to believe for it all.
(c) Robin Lawrimore, (soon to be Lewis), November 8, 2013